February 19, 2019 in Book 5: Those Lost and Astray
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Page 14 (Book 5)

Page 14 (Book 5)
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Author Notes:

NiaNook 19th February 2019 edit delete
NiaNook
Author Babble:
I'm going to be honest, guys, I've been feeling less than optimistic about how this chapter's been going. I guess that's what happens when you completely remove a character from the old version (a character who whose existence didn't make sense but 12-year-old-me didn't care, lol) and have to rewrite the plot and make due without him. I'm sure you can probably sense the flow of this chapter is a little "off" as well, but I'm grateful to those of you who are bearing with me, here, haha. :'D Have a good week, y'all!
_______________
Oh, and here's from the Valentines Exchange this year
Amithia's 4 part piece, Yokiro goes on a Blind Date with Delta from the comic, Color Blind
Page 1

And my piece where Yokiro goes on a blind date with Alice, from the comic Alice Darkly, by Argylefox
Page 1
Hope you get a kick out of 'em :')
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Comments:

MST3KFan 19th February 2019 edit delete reply
MST3KFan
I haven't noticed anything "off" here. If anything it's interesting to see the characters dealing with a moral decision here.

Yes, the kid stole from you after you did all those things to help him, but as Yoriko points out, perhaps he's never had anyone treat him kindly before and didn't know how to repay them.

And knowing what Tatsuma and Sikue have went through some bad times in their lives before meeting Yoriko...that he's become that moral compass in a way to them even if Tatsuma at first doesn't want to have it. I mean, Tatsuma comes off a bit as uncaring at times, but she seems to have a conscious and will to the right thing.

Anyway, I'm rambling here. The point I'm making is, I don't feel anything off with this chapter. I see character development.
NiaNook 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
Whoa!
For me, everytime I read over this arc, it keeps feeling like it jerks around a bit and I worry if Ginari's character is being presented correctly (if only we can temporarily erase our memories and read our own writing to catch things like whether we're giving enough info, haha).

Anyway, whew. It's great that you're finding this interesting! \o/ Thank you so much for your thoughts on it, dude! We'll definitely see where these character moments lead soon enough. :)
ClickMe2WinFREE-iPod 21st February 2019 edit delete reply
ClickMe2WinFREE-iPod
Yeah, my thoughts are similar regarding the whole moral decision thing. It's interesting how this situation shows a deeper side to the main characters: like, you could tell that Yokiro was a kind-hearted guy, but it's clear now that he has an unwavering instinct to help people, even if they're strangers. Same thing with Tatsuma: she's tough, but that toughness exists because she's realistic and protective of the people she trusts.

I really like the thief kid too - He's pretty sympathetic imo, but the fact that he makes some bad decisions isn't downplayed or brushed aside.
NiaNook 22nd February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
Has the instinct, but lacks the guts! But, hey, that means he officially made it into Tatsuma's exclusive "trusted people" list! :D Thanks for sharing your thoughts; it's interesting how you put these things into actual words.
I'm a little surprised the thief still comes across as sympathetic despite him pretty much backstabbing the person who helped him, hehe
ClickMe2WinFREE-iPod 23rd February 2019 edit delete reply
ClickMe2WinFREE-iPod
Sure, I enjoy sharing them! (Hopefully they're not too off-base, lol.)

Maybe sympathetic isn't the right word, since it's kind of sketchy to justify stealing, and what he did to Yokiro was really uncalled for... It's more like, I get the impression that he honestly didn't know how to react to someone being nice to him, so I feel like he might do better if he's given another chance. Of course, that's exactly what Tatsuma's disagreeing with here so maybe that's wishful thinking. xD
NiaNook 24th February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
Nah, wouldn't say they were off base :)

"Sympathetic" probably works, I guess I just think of it as meaning "I feel sorry for this character and want them to succeed" but, no that makes sense. Things should become clear in time.
HeSerpenty 19th February 2019 edit delete reply
HeSerpenty
Awww, Nia, I know how you feel! The biggest problem I have with my own story is trying to make some crazy ideas I had as a 15 yr old that I've grown attached to make sense x'D. But for yours I never sense a struggle! Which is good news, I'd say :D

Your writing and character development is solid and I know you'll get through this hump! I haven't noticed anything off! But I know as an author it's impossible not to see it that way when YOU are feeling off x'D

Keep up the awesome work!
NiaNook 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
Ah, your new avatar is looking very cool! (admittedly, your old one was so hilarious, I have mixed feelings of this change XD)

Well hopefully this is a reader-verses-author perspective thing, because your story holds together pretty tight! Our younger selves are creative little buggers, but they cause a lot of trouble :'D

Thank you so much! You guys are just too sweet
HeSerpenty 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
HeSerpenty
LOL I'm going through quarter life crisis I guess X"DD-- don't worry! The snek is just a placeholder til' I can get a proper portrait drawn ;D (so tired of lookin at that old avatar!)

Haha aanyway <3...you good, girl. Beyond Bloom could seriously be a tv show like yesterday!
BlueDragon 19th February 2019 edit delete reply
BlueDragon
If it makes you feel any better, I haven't noticed too much of a problem with flow.

But...I mean, I'm probably not the best judge of such things, having no pacing instinct at all XD

I actually like seeing Yokiro stick up for the kid: people who have been through hard times and have no role model can't just be fixed by one day of hanging out. It makes sense the little guy is still fighting for himself. And...I think the only thing that will help is the effort to show someone cares: especially a stranger. That can make a big impact (that's why there's like, Big Brother Big Sister programs :3 )

I can't wait to see how they save him!
NiaNook 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
D'aww, well thanks XD

That's a very wonderful observation about the kid! Good role models and feeling cared about can do great things to a person, but... I don't think people can change so easily, either.

IF they save him! *evil laughter*
snuffysam 19th February 2019 edit delete reply
snuffysam
"I'll grab you a brand new kid to take care of to replace the old one!"
"Tatsuma, no!"
NiaNook 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
"What? Just a little one!"
keltyzoid! 19th February 2019 edit delete reply
keltyzoid!
i think this works a lot better than the original draft! it's more natural and flows better. even if you're dissatisfied with it, it's still just a slight bump in the road. :D
NiaNook 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
Whoo boy this went through at least 5 drafts, too. 9o6
Thanks again for your help with this!
ShaRose49 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
ShaRose49
Even if it has been a little bit off, the characters are strong enough to hold it together I think. I struggle with this too—I’m still learning and my own storytelling is off in maybe even several places; I had a bit of a rocky start.

I think the important thing is to just keep moving forward.

I’m worried about what Tatsuma will do to poor Yokiro :’(
ShaRose49 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
ShaRose49
And if I didn’t make it clear, you’re doin’ awesome sweetie. Keep at it
NiaNook 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
Haha, if plot fails, have developed characters pick up the slack XD Thanks, I appreciate the advice and kind words- of course how could I give up on my baby? Just gotta power through!

Your own comic shows so much rapid improvements, I'm pumped to see where it'll go, and it's always good fun to see the "before" and "after" of growth. Good luck with your own work! :)
ShaRose49 20th February 2019 edit delete reply
ShaRose49
This is really encouraging, thank you so much!!
JammyTheBirb 8th September 2019 edit delete reply
JammyTheBirb
I haven't noticed anything being off either. I'm on the edge of my metaphorical seat here XD Here's hoping the kid has a Valjean realisation.
NiaNook 9th September 2019 edit delete reply
NiaNook
Yay! That is very encouraging! And yes, that's exactly what would do him some good :'D